#2: We're All A Bunch Of Fakes

I can see how easy it could be to take offense to the title of this post. And for those of you that WERE offended, I'm sorry, and fuck you. But really...I can't possibly think of ONE person that I see on a regular/daily basis that isn't somewhat modified.

When I say the word "fake" I don't necessarily mean "phony" or "fraudful." I mean "not real." Not true. Think about it. How much shit does it take to make "YOU?" I can list 13 cosmetic products that prove this point just for me. Now, a good way to prove it would be to post a picture of me all "dolled-up" and a picture of me "looking crap" to show the subtle/not-so-subtle differences. And I'm a guy! Think about what girls use!

For instance, this is what makes me, ME everyday:
1) Toothpaste - so my teeth don't fall out and I don't have bad breath.
2) Pro-health mouthwash - so my toofuses get clean
3) Minty mouthwash - so my toofuses smell clean
4) Anti-perspirant - so my pits don't stink
5) Astringent - so my face doesn't get blackheads
6) Face/Body lotion - 'Cause my skin can get kinda dry and I like it smooth
7) Shaving cream - to keep my face nice and smooth
8) Red-eye reliever - so the alcohol and dry contact-eyes don't show
9) Contact lenses/solution - so I can see and not have dry contacts in my eyes
10) Hair stuff - because I've got a lot of thick and voluminous hair
11) Lip balm - so I don't have dry lips
12) Sinus spray - so I'm not a mouth-breather
13) Cologne - so my scent is appealing

And this is where I ask: What the fuck?

Imagine what I'd be without all that? A toothless, bad-breath having, stinky, blackhead/pimple-ridden, dry-skinned, hairy-faced, drunk-looking, blind, fro-haired, crispy-lipped, mouth-breathing, unappealingly scented jerk.

And you would too. But we can't look ugly, and that would be completely unacceptable even IF it WERE acceptable! So put that in YOUR pipe and smoke it. And I would really like to hear how "fake" anyone else is willing to admit they are. I will say though, I'm very glad we're all sorta fake because otherwise, it'd be a severely ugly world.

Time to get better at what I'm good at. See you soon.